Gaining My Confidence: a series

How it started. 

Where I am now is not where I used to be a couple of years ago. I mostly give this credit to God and time. It took so much time for me to overcome my mindset. I have posted about it before, but I have grown so much when it comes to attitude and personality. I for so long craved to be like everyone else, whether that be personality or looks. I just absolutely did not want to be the person in the mirror. My obstructed view of myself impacted the way that I moved through life. I always questioned myself and didn’t believe that I could accomplish goals that I set for myself let alone living up to other people’s expectations. Deep down I wanted to be able to love me for me. 

The beginning of change. 

If you’re a regular here, you know that I have mentioned how much I love journaling. In the beginning, It was a little weird. Writing my deepest feelings on paper some days made me feel like a grandma or a seven-year-old little girl. Either way, my twenty-something mind would tell me it was lame. But once I set that voice to the side, I was able to let all my feelings out. I feel like I am being a little safe and I think that you deserve to know the ugly truth. 

For me, I would be so annoyed when I get on social media and I would see all these positive posts and think “Why am I the only one not super positive or happy”. Then don’t even get me started on seeing girls from my uni or high school. Whenever I would see them post about being good at school or just posting cute pictures, I would start to compare myself to them and it would make me feel bad about myself. I would think I was not doing enough. Social media can be so toxic especially if you are constantly trying to live up to unreal expectations. There comes a point when you have to realize that social media is only showing what people want you to see. There is the real world then there is the social media world and the two should never be confused. 

It’s ok to Disconnected

When I started my journey, I did something a little weird. Instead of deleting my social media completely, I would just delete people. Ok, that’s not bad right… but let me continue. I would delete people that would make me feel insecure about myself. So, these would-be Instagram models or people that would constantly brag or people I thought I was comparing myself to. If I saw your page, I wanted to be happy or excited to see the content. Writing this out I feel like I’m such a hater. 

Don’t get me wrong I want everyone to win. But when I am starting to feel jealous, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue to put myself in the negative mind space. I am saying this to let you know that if something is not serving you remove it. Once I did my social media cleanse I filled it with things that I enjoyed. My feed ranged from good food to yoga pose pages. I do think that now and then everyone should have social media fast. Especially if you are an everyday frequenter. Just take a couple of days and enjoy time off the screen to see what else the day has to offer. 

A reminder

Change does not come overnight. It takes time, work, and consistency. Then after putting forth the work that’s when the transformation happens. The beauty of growth is something that I want everyone to be able to experience. My biggest tip to you is to change because you want to and not because someone else wants you to.